How I truly almost died.

Miscellaneous Discussion. Any topics that don't fit in other areas of the forum.

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Sep 23rd, '10, 10:31
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Joined: Feb 14th, '06, 22:09
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by rabbit » Sep 23rd, '10, 10:31

Zensuji wrote:Sometimes its impossible to do stuff like meditate when your rock bottom. I know as I've been there many times. Dont beat your self up if you cant do ultra positive moves.

-Avoid negative behaviour. Its so easy to let it wash over you but stay on the right side. Negative stuff just leads to guilt and it piles on top.
-Eat whatever you can when you can. Take advantage of any period in the day when you can eat food and drink. I.E some people find morning extremely hard and then maybe have a few hours in the evening when they are not quite so raw

Ultimate it can be like a bit of a prison sentence, you have to do the time and try and get out on good behaviour. Personally in terms of meds I'd avoid daily build up drugs as in my experience they dis empower the healing process. For me a couple of ml of diazepam was enough to bring me back for the edge of darkness.

Over drugs, exercise is key. Be it walking, weights or whatever. It brings you out of your mind and in to your body much like mediation except its easy just to go through the motions and get the endorphins flowing. It also enforces the start of a routine. I.E hydration, washing, re-fuelling all of which are hard to resist even when you're at your absolute lowest.

If you're going through hell...........just keep going. I know that pain in the chest like an infinite void of hurt to the point where you can hardly breath and you feel your disappearing completely in to it. Time spent well is what closes that up. All you need to do is surround yourself with support where you can and hang in there.
You sound like you've been through similar feelings as I am currently... there is a point where even meditation is extremely hard (if not impossible) to do, where you are overwhelmed with guilt and pain when eating becomes something you force yourself to do simply because you know it has to be done to keep living.

I am taking it one day at a time, some days are much worse than others... I got a text at 7 this morning that my friend has died... it was very hard for me to eat and to go to work this morning... what's worse is that I'm scared to go to the funeral, I don't know if I can handle it, the anxiety and pain that it causes.

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Sep 23rd, '10, 14:07
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by Alex » Sep 23rd, '10, 14:07

Yes I've been through some hard times. I'm 32 now and when I was 18 I was put on some medication which is now well known to cause suicidal thoughts and self harming. By 19 I was sectioned in hospital on so many drugs I felt like I'd been shot in the head but was still alive.....just.

Every 5 years or so I get a little bump so my knowledge of how you feel is very fresh. In fact weirdly enough I'm going though one now as I've just lost someone close to me (my gran)

You sound raw at the moment because you are right in it. You dont have to fight this too much, you dont have to think your way out of it either...all you have to do is keep going. That's all you've got to do, the rest I promise will take care of its self. Accept support, try some CBT. But dont think you have to force some sort of instant resolve.

Dont project and think about the funeral. Anticipation of events like this will turn in to negative projection and cause those churning thoughts which will make you sick to the pit of your stomach. Just let the thoughts come and go about the funeral, that's in the future and you need to concentrate just on the day in hand.

When ever my sister is worried about a future event I always tell her "Dont think about it till its happening....and when its happening dont think about it"

That doesn't mean you have to be brain dead its more a mantra to stop the churning un-productive thought patterns.

I'm pretty open about mental illness its nothing to feel isolated about. Millions of good people go through it everyday the more you're open about it the less it traps you and the quicker you'll set your self free.

And yes when youre really down you cant meditate. I remember one time when I lay face down on the floor for 3 days without food or water (maybe a little its all a bit of blur) barely able to breath with crushing depression. (Great days :lol: )

How did that situation resolve? did I pull myself together? no.....I just tried not to go lower and hung in there.

Once youre back on your feet, exercise or mediation will be a good way of stopping future occurrences but dont feel you need to be doing it now if you physically cant.

you dont need to know if you can handle the funeral or not. See how you feel on the day. If you cant go then its no big deal. You carry a loved one lost in your heart when they past, I've never said good bye to anyone I've lost - I never saw the need to let go of them. Only go for yourself if you feel you can. It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks.

I'm sorry if my post seems slightly babbleish but I truly hope there's something in there you can recognise from one soul to another.

Peace and love

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Sep 23rd, '10, 16:51
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by TubbyCow » Sep 23rd, '10, 16:51

Zensuji wrote:Once youre back on your feet, exercise or mediation will be a good way of stopping future occurrences but dont feel you need to be doing it now if you physically cant.
Wise words, Zensuji.

It's a very hard thing to start, but personal cognitive-behavioural therapy can be life-changing. I used to be in pretty rough shape, and at my worst I weighed 92 pounds (I'm 5'6"). One day I just woke up and said screw it... I started eating healthy, taking lots of walks, thinking differently, and, of course, drinking tea. It made a world of difference.

My thoughts are with you, dear Rabbit.

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