You sound like you've been through similar feelings as I am currently... there is a point where even meditation is extremely hard (if not impossible) to do, where you are overwhelmed with guilt and pain when eating becomes something you force yourself to do simply because you know it has to be done to keep living.Zensuji wrote:Sometimes its impossible to do stuff like meditate when your rock bottom. I know as I've been there many times. Dont beat your self up if you cant do ultra positive moves.
-Avoid negative behaviour. Its so easy to let it wash over you but stay on the right side. Negative stuff just leads to guilt and it piles on top.
-Eat whatever you can when you can. Take advantage of any period in the day when you can eat food and drink. I.E some people find morning extremely hard and then maybe have a few hours in the evening when they are not quite so raw
Ultimate it can be like a bit of a prison sentence, you have to do the time and try and get out on good behaviour. Personally in terms of meds I'd avoid daily build up drugs as in my experience they dis empower the healing process. For me a couple of ml of diazepam was enough to bring me back for the edge of darkness.
Over drugs, exercise is key. Be it walking, weights or whatever. It brings you out of your mind and in to your body much like mediation except its easy just to go through the motions and get the endorphins flowing. It also enforces the start of a routine. I.E hydration, washing, re-fuelling all of which are hard to resist even when you're at your absolute lowest.
If you're going through hell...........just keep going. I know that pain in the chest like an infinite void of hurt to the point where you can hardly breath and you feel your disappearing completely in to it. Time spent well is what closes that up. All you need to do is surround yourself with support where you can and hang in there.
I am taking it one day at a time, some days are much worse than others... I got a text at 7 this morning that my friend has died... it was very hard for me to eat and to go to work this morning... what's worse is that I'm scared to go to the funeral, I don't know if I can handle it, the anxiety and pain that it causes.