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Sep 8th, '10, 18:00
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How I truly almost died.

by rabbit » Sep 8th, '10, 18:00

For reasons best kept private the engagement was broken off just about 1 1/2 months before the wedding (right after the invitations were sent), it was the worst, most unwanted, insecure, scary, lonely and most heartbreaking, life changing experience that I have ever been through. I did not eat or sleep for 3 days and was too weak to lift my head from the pillow, my family nursed me back to health and just when I thought I was getting a hang of my life again I find out that a young friend of mine has all but lost his sanity due to a diagnoses of bipolar and that another friend who is only 30 has only a few weeks to live because she was JUST diagnosed with cancer.

I *thought* I was handling it all just fine, I was sleeping at night, eating, etc. When all of the sudden I had the worst panick attack of my life, I ended up hospitalized and now I am medicated and about to begin therapy.

I can't drink tea anymore because of the caffeine... so yeah... it's been a bad month.
Last edited by rabbit on Sep 9th, '10, 15:03, edited 1 time in total.

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Sep 8th, '10, 20:32
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by Chip » Sep 8th, '10, 20:32

Hang in there Rabbit, get well soon! :mrgreen:

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Sep 8th, '10, 21:20
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by TubbyCow » Sep 8th, '10, 21:20

I nearly cried for you while reading this. Hang in there, and know that if I could hug you, I would.

I know it's not nearly enough, but I'll do my best to send positive thoughts your way.

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Sep 8th, '10, 21:24
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by Corona » Sep 8th, '10, 21:24

You're in my thoughts and prayers. Godspeed on your recovery.

Sep 9th, '10, 10:04
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by Proinsias » Sep 9th, '10, 10:04

Thoughts are with you and your loved ones.

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Sep 9th, '10, 10:43
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by TwoPynts » Sep 9th, '10, 10:43

Oh rabbit, that is so sad. You've had more than your share of troubles. Hang in there and try to see the silver lining. Perhaps you can now explore some herbal and other non-caffeine teas? Sending healing thoughts!

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Sep 9th, '10, 16:29
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by rabbit » Sep 9th, '10, 16:29

Thank you for all of your nice replies. It was been very hard for me, I have to remind myself that I will be OK just because people say that I will... even if I don't feel that way, I know there must be some truth in what people are saying.

But It's still heartbreaking when 10 years of your life are destroyed in a matter of days.

There was one more detail I added that you might not think would cause anxiety (I didn't think it did... but apparently anxiety is a tricky business). My brother called at 6am the other day... he was trapped in a car that had just been run over by a tractor-trailer truck, and from the way it sounded we all thought he was saying goodbye... it was just days after the breakup, and all I could think was "why is this happening?!"... the car ride to the hospital was one of the longest most painful ones I can ever remember- thinking my only brother would be dead by the time I got there. When we got there we found out that he was in decent shape, he sounded bad when he called because the seatbelt was stuck and had choked him... he actually had to cut his way out of it with a pocket knife... well anyway, this must have just added some stress to my plate.

He had been clipped by another car, spun out accross 3 lanes and went UNDER the tractor trailer which ran over the front of the car, the passenger was seriously injured... just a second more or 1 foot more and it would have crushed them both... and oddly enough, both vehicals fled the scene.

I'll get through this, I know I will, it just really stinks right now!!!

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Sep 9th, '10, 17:16
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by TIM » Sep 9th, '10, 17:16

rabbit wrote:Thank you for all of your nice replies. It was been very hard for me, I have to remind myself that I will be OK just because people say that I will... even if I don't feel that way, I know there must be some truth in what people are saying.

But It's still heartbreaking when 10 years of your life are destroyed in a matter of days.

There was one more detail I added that you might not think would cause anxiety (I didn't think it did... but apparently anxiety is a tricky business). My brother called at 6am the other day... he was trapped in a car that had just been run over by a tractor-trailer truck, and from the way it sounded we all thought he was saying goodbye... it was just days after the breakup, and all I could think was "why is this happening?!"... the car ride to the hospital was one of the longest most painful ones I can ever remember- thinking my only brother would be dead by the time I got there. When we got there we found out that he was in decent shape, he sounded bad when he called because the seatbelt was stuck and had choked him... he actually had to cut his way out of it with a pocket knife... well anyway, this must have just added some stress to my plate.

He had been clipped by another car, spun out accross 3 lanes and went UNDER the tractor trailer which ran over the front of the car, the passenger was seriously injured... just a second more or 1 foot more and it would have crushed them both... and oddly enough, both vehicals fled the scene.

I'll get through this, I know I will, it just really stinks right now!!!


Meditation is a very gentle way of healing. Be Strong Rabbit.

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Sep 11th, '10, 20:18
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by kymidwife » Sep 11th, '10, 20:18

I'd rather pass a kidney stone than have my heart broken. But fortunately, the heart has an enormous capacity to heal, no matter how great the injury. My thoughts will be with you as you move past this dark moment in your life. Have faith that better things lie ahead.

Sarah

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Sep 12th, '10, 10:19
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by JBaymore » Sep 12th, '10, 10:19

rabbit,

Thoughts and prayers headed your way.

I always liked John Lennon's thought that "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans". It is quite true. We cannot control the whims of the world. What I think we have to do is be able to accept that fact, and then work on our responses to the unpredictabliliy of life.

Believe that you can get through this and you will.

best,

.............john

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Sep 14th, '10, 17:40
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by rabbit » Sep 14th, '10, 17:40

I go on living day by day, I've decided I need to get more excersize to burn off the anxiety, so I called a friend and asked him to teach me how to play tennis... this made me happy because not only have I always loved watching tennis (though I've never played it), but this friend whom I hadn't talked to in a long time had gone through something similar with being hospitalized from anxiety, so he has had alot of good advice for coping with it.

I've also started therapy... can you believe that?! RABBIT... THERAPY... it's crazy business, I never thought I'd be seeing a shrink, but hey... if it helps I guess I'm gonna try it.

My ultimate goal is to be so free of worry that I can go back to my gongfu sessions. Now that I have a bit more free time I will be meditating and trying to enjoy life a bit more, and worry about it less.

[edit] on a side note the feelings of constantly fighting off worry and sadness are starting to subside a little more each day. Thank you all for your support.

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Sep 14th, '10, 18:12
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by mbishop » Sep 14th, '10, 18:12

rabbit wrote:RABBIT... THERAPY


Sounds like the cutest therapy ever!

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Sep 16th, '10, 02:16
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by bagua7 » Sep 16th, '10, 02:16

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Last edited by bagua7 on Oct 20th, '10, 02:33, edited 1 time in total.

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Sep 16th, '10, 05:51
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by skilfautdire » Sep 16th, '10, 05:51

I'll be the third one to suggest: meditate. Zen meditation. Read parts of the small and simple book "Not always so" by Shunryu Suzuki. Then throw it away (or give it back ot the public library or keep it) and simply do it. "Hardcore Zen" by Brad Warner is another simple good one, although different. Only equipement needed: you. Just sit (or lay down). Concentrate on your breath. Make emptiness.

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Sep 23rd, '10, 08:16
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Re: How I truly almost died.

by Alex » Sep 23rd, '10, 08:16

Sometimes its impossible to do stuff like meditate when your rock bottom. I know as I've been there many times. Dont beat your self up if you cant do ultra positive moves.

-Avoid negative behaviour. Its so easy to let it wash over you but stay on the right side. Negative stuff just leads to guilt and it piles on top.
-Eat whatever you can when you can. Take advantage of any period in the day when you can eat food and drink. I.E some people find morning extremely hard and then maybe have a few hours in the evening when they are not quite so raw


Ultimate it can be like a bit of a prison sentence, you have to do the time and try and get out on good behaviour. Personally in terms of meds I'd avoid daily build up drugs as in my experience they dis empower the healing process. For me a couple of ml of diazepam was enough to bring me back for the edge of darkness.

Over drugs, exercise is key. Be it walking, weights or whatever. It brings you out of your mind and in to your body much like mediation except its easy just to go through the motions and get the endorphins flowing. It also enforces the start of a routine. I.E hydration, washing, re-fuelling all of which are hard to resist even when you're at your absolute lowest.

If you're going through hell...........just keep going. I know that pain in the chest like an infinite void of hurt to the point where you can hardly breath and you feel your disappearing completely in to it. Time spent well is what closes that up. All you need to do is surround yourself with support where you can and hang in there.

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